How It’s Done Blog


Once Again, in Deep DooDoo…

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Brilliant Things People I Know Have Said About Dwarfs

First, check out what Tish has to say about the Seven Dwarfs of PMS. I particularly love the illustrations. I’ll just take this as an excuse to segway into this child malapropism story, which I otherwise would have absolutely no reason to share: Sam, at preschool one day last summer, handed me his project (a toilet paper roll creature) on the way to the car. I admired it, but dropped it (without realizing it) lifting him into his seat. “My […]

So, old lady in the grocery store, you win. I am sorry that my two children and their mini-carts momentarily blocked your progress through the grocery store. I am sure you have many, many other important things to do, and hopefully you’re expending most orf your patience on them. That’s the sarcastic bit. But actually, I really am ashamed that either a) they can’t push those damnable little carts of horror nicely, without freezing in mid aisle to determinedly chew […]

The Traditional Birthday Tantrum

First of all, let me say that I angsted over this pinata. I don’t even like pinatas. I mean, I did, when I was little and lived in San Antonio, where some kids had pinatas hanging in their rooms from trips to Nuevo Laredo (in more peaceful times). Me, I had a large ceramic piggy bank I believed was decorated in traditional fashion. No one I knew had ever had a pinata to break, although we had heard of them. […]

On Another Potty Note

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It Only Seems Like Forever

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Not Me!

IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT FEARS, BUT IT WAS A FAMILY CIRCUS CARTOON FEATURING THE “NOT ME” GHOST. When I was a kid I thought these Family Circus comics were so funny! Can you imagine a bunch of kids all saying it wasn’t them? That would be so crazy! I was an only child, and only once, once in my entire life was I ever not responsible for some transgression I was accused of. Left the oreos open? Me. Milk […]

On the Radio

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Not Quite the O.C.

A complete confession–I really like it when Jetta gets what she deserves. I mean, she’s so snooty, and even her dog is snooty, and it’s just somehow satisfying to see her learn her lesson every ten minutes (although if she’d really learned her lesson, she wouldn’t have to relearn it every day, would she? Also, I finally saw the one where they introduce Enrique, and it explained a lot, although I’d still like to know why the one dragon in […]

Unquestionably the Lamest Last-Minute Show and Tell Ever

Picture026.jpg, originally uploaded by kjda. Sam, stricken, as we walk into school today: It’s Show and Tell Day! Me: Oh. Sam: And we can’t pick something from the classroom anymore! I need something! It is clear there is no point in suggesting that he just not give a show and tell today, not if I want to get out of there without tears. I suggest that I’ll go to the car and look for something. The car is not the […]

Optimism

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The Flaming, Defiant Role Model

I was listening to some of my backlogged This American Life in the car, driving down to Boston and back to get Trixie (because I am an NPR geek, and my ipod contains TAL episodes, one audio book by Anne Lamott and two by Sarah Vowell, plus miscellaneous music which I almost never listen to). The particular episode that caught my attention featured Seattle writer and syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage talking about a kid he’s particularly admired in high […]

24-7 Kids Kids Kids

I sometimes think that we are the only family that spends all of our time either actively entertaining our kids grunting and getting up unwillingly to help with something or get something while trying to do something that appeals to you (like, say, reading the newspaper) trying to persuade your spouse to do all the entertaining so you can hear yourself think taking kids somewhere kid-appropriate, or at least somewhere to kill time. Sam and Lily are 4 1/2 and […]

Cheap Amusements, Part 1

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Happy Birthday to Lily

Lily’s one today, glorious one. She walked her first step on Memorial day, four steps two days later–and hasn’t repeated it since. She’s the Queen Mum of waving, standing at the train table, greeting me with a frantic wave when I come to release her from her car seat. She likes putting things in things, then taking them out, then putting them back in again (I could go on…). She likes bags to carry and hats to put on her […]

A Very Small Silver Lining

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Damn, Did I Forget to Feed Her?

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And More Happy Birthday to Lily

Tonight was Lily’s actual birthday celebration. 12 adults and 12 kids ranging in age from 7 mos-4 years descended upon us, bearing gifts. We fed them cake, pizza, strawberries and grapes, not actually in that order. Oh, and also, cheese puffs. Kendall said “oh, hell, forget organic, have a cheese puff,” and I looked at her in horror. “They are organic!”. These are our closest friends. At the moment, in order to be admitted into our inner circle, you must […]

2 Hours A Day Is Not Enough

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Listen Here, Baby

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Death, Tact and the Preschooler

I only wish I knew what led up to this conversation, but when Sam and his friend joey are playing quietly in another room, we leave them until someone comes out bleeding. Sitting in the dining room, madly frosting cookies for tomorrow’s bake sale, Laura and I hear: “My grandpa died. He died, and my Grandma Layne misses him very much, and she’s sad, and I have to go visit her and keep her company.” “Oh.” It’s hard to convey […]

Mice Are SO Not My Department

Sam and I were cleaning out the car today, while Lily climbed around among all the debris we’d removed from our own little Tobacco Road. I was clearing receipts, wrappers and toy bits from the front console and Sam was vacuuming Lily’s car seat when, over the roar of the wet/dry vac, I hear “Something’s really scaring me, Mommy!” There’s an undertone of panic, and I move fast. On the ground, in front of the vacuum I see a small, […]

The Amazingly Quick Morning Routine

I just want to say that I can wash my hair, blow dry, do make-up, etc. and get dressed in about half an hour or less, I really can. This is why it took an hour and a half this morning: Undressed for shower. Lily decided she wanted to shower, too. Helped her take off pjs, diaper. Lily sees that it is a shower, not a tubby, and does not want to get int. Much crying ensues, which probably actually […]

My Reading Baby

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The Gift of a Fine Whine

Every parent wants her child to be advanced, so you can imagine my surprise and pleasure when I realized that Sam, 3, was clearly whining on a first grade level. His heaving sighs and his weary gasps of “Oooh-Kaay” when required to complete a less than desirable task, like picking up a toy or peeing in the toilet, reminded me irresistibly of the little girl across the street, whose aimless heel kicking and pouting I had long admired. His “but […]

On Toys and Plane Travel, Among Other Things

Sam was helpless in the face of the dogs. They’d knock him over, take his food, and kick sand in his face for good measure. Lily is already trying to whack them in the nose if they come anywhere near her when she’s eating something–or, like tonight, biting pieces off of a cucumber and then spitting them out. I never said she wasn’t weird, just that she’s assertive. Sam built some sort of bridge out of plastic wine glasses tonight, […]

3 long weeks or 3 short weeks?

It has just come to my attention that my due date-and this is my latest due date, actually five days away from the earliest one that’s been suggested–is three weeks away. (Not latest in the sense that it’s just been given to me, but latest in the sense that of the three guesses made by various midwives and ultrasound technicians, it’s the farthest away.) Three weeks is not very much. We have yogurt in our fridge that will still be […]

It Worked for Virgina

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My Son, the Imaginary Bully

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Sam feeds the goats.

Sam feeds the goats., originally uploaded by kjda. First time he’s been so brave. This was particularly gratifying (to him, but both of us, really) because his best friend Joey, usually much braver than Sam, refused to let the goats eat out of his hand. Instead, he threw the food at their faces and ran like crazy. He later found a nice bunny to eat out of his hand. (Take that, Joe! Your son’s only brave enough for bunnies! So […]

Wyatt, Baby Extraordinaire, Arrives

So, not a false alarm after all! I will post a picture, I will share the whole story, just as soon as I catch up on my sleep (right–that will be sometime in 2008, so maybe just a little sooner!) But suffice it to say, labor indeed. But no faster, unfortunately, than with numbers one or two. It seems like my body pretty much has all kids the same way–no shooting them out like watermelon seeds for me! (Some woman, […]

Back to New York

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Nothing like a Skull & Crossbones Crib Bumper

This might very well have changed my entire nursery decorating scheme. Or maybe not. But who knew the whole cool-baby thing had gone so far? You all know my views on decking babies out in parental political views (or if you don’t, click here). And Babywit.com certainly has enough of those. But I think I’ve found just the right look for Lily. Perfect. country free ringtones India expects to reach 500 million subscribers by end of 2010. ringtones band [citation […]

Lily is not sure this is a good idea.

Lily is not sure this is a good idea., originally uploaded by kjda. She tried it later. Also the kibble, yum. Moments after this was taken, the goat came over to explore her, and she placed her fat little hand firmly between his little horn stubs and shoved him away. accrington hotelsringtone allenfighting ringtone 100 five for50 cent candy shop ringtones8390 ringtone nokiasamsung free a920 ringtonerage ringtone against machineringtone wilson cell al phone Map

Things get better

You know, this is the good part. Lily had a much better day today, not asking for “nappy” quite so much, took no for an answer a couple of times and actively chose to stop nursing, even though Wyatt was still at it, so that she could play with Sam. And both went to bed beautifully. I’m happy to nurse her, pleased to still get to hold her that way, as long as it’s not every time I nurse Wyatt! […]

Cariboo, Caribee

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Chronicles of the Sleepless and Damned

I just hit Lily’s crib so hard that I think I broke my hand. Really helped. too. I imagine she feels really secure in there right now. I also screamed back at her in rage, hit myself repeatedly in the head with my hand and shook said crib, hard. All in an attempt to get her to just GO TO SLEEP AND STAY ASLEEP DAMNIT. No one heard me and came to my rescue. Probably more significantly, no one came […]

The Things We Do for Love

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Patience: Not My Virtue

Today was solo time day for Sam and Lily–well, solo plus Wyatt, which is what they both want. Lily got to take Wyatt to music class–well, she didn’t have any choice there, because I didn’t have a sitter, but she did want to. He actually laid on the floor between my legs, eyes open, watching everything and apparently had a wonderful time. Lily showed him off–It’s Wyatt! And did more than she’s ever done in class before. They made my […]

A Little on Lily

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Better Rested But Probably Still Damned…

As always, things look better in daylight. In fact, Lily slept until 4:45, then nursed and went back to sleep until seven in our bed. If I’d known she was going to do that, instead of convincing myself she was going to wake up every ten minutes until doomsday, I would not have a large purple mark on my palm. Now that no one is screaming and the sun is shining and the kids are, in fact, with Holly so […]

Words, Many Words and More from Lily

Today Lily took a tube of toothpaste and pretended to squeeze it out onto her arm and rub it in. So I guess I’ve been putting enough sunscreen on her. She’s repeating words, and using lots on her own, like shoe and backpack (which started with Dora but also applies to backpacks in the real world, and which is doubly funny because one of Sam’s words at this stage was “Clue!”). She understands so much–bring me the bowl, bring me […]

In Praise of Wyatt (Why not?)

OK, Wyatt is exceptional. And in the interest of bringing everyone around to my way of thinking, let me just share some of the cute and brilliant things he’s said in the past couple of days–two weeks shy of his second birthday (because there’s nothing more fascinating than stories about the cute things my kid said, is there?) He and Lily were playing Hide and Seek. He found her, and there was much giggling, and he said “I thought you […]

Look At the Schnoz On Her!

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Beautiful Duke (Rhymes with Puke)

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I Have to GOOOOO!

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Thirty Minutes a Day, Take One

So, when I vow to make a change, I do not set what anyone would call manageable goals. I tend to go big, which means that now that the deficiencies in Sam’s education have been drawn more emphatically to my attention (Thanks Mom!) and with the possiblility (probablility) of his heading to Crossroads (local independent school) in the near future, where they have standards and expect the kids to know actual things (like what mummies are and how the circulatory […]

Cariboo, Caribad

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(From the Motherhood, LLC Employee Manual

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