Have I mentioned that I have kids?

Not Me!

Thursday, August 25th, 2011 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 1 Comment

IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT FEARS, BUT IT WAS A FAMILY CIRCUS CARTOON FEATURING THE “NOT ME” GHOST.

When I was a kid I thought these Family Circus comics were so funny!

Can you imagine a bunch of kids all saying it wasn’t them? That would be so crazy! I was an only child, and only once, once in my entire life was I ever not responsible for some transgression I was accused of. Left the oreos open? Me. Milk on the counter? Me. Toys on the floor? Me. Once–once–I was not, in fact, the person who ate all the Cheetos. My dad was. Ah, that was a great day.

But now I have four kids–or, more relevantly, three kids. One is ten, and asked if he left his popsicle stick on the counter he will say “oh–sorry!” and throw it away.

Then there are the other three. They say, in unison, “not me!”

And one of them is lying.

And it makes me way, way angrier than it should. Not because I think the liar will grow up to be a politician or cable television call center representative, but because, pretty simply, there is a sticky popsicle stick on the counter. Again. And again. Because there is bowl of crackers in the basement where no food is allowed. Again. Because there is a big pile of paint-covered paper towels on the table. Again. And it feels like there always will be.

Tonight was particularly stupid. Rory and Wyatt each bought Silly Putty today. The same kind, of course. And at the same moment, they both placed their hand on the same blue egg on the counter and said “that’s mine!”

The other egg was sitting, open, on the other counter. Its mate was on the floor. Its putty has yet to be seen, although I have no doubt it will turn up in the carpet or stuck to a sofa cushion or the dog soon.

There was no way to tell whose egg it was. They both insisted. I put MY Silly Putty BACK IN THE EGG! I put it on the counter! RIGHT HERE!

Evidence pointed to Rory as the lying party. She had a Silly Putty earring on one ear, and a matching Silly Putty earring had been seen on her other ear minutes before and had then been picked up from the floor immediately behind her. But they weren’t big earrings. They could have come from the putty in the egg on the counter. Hell, I don’t know how much Putty is in a Silly Putty egg. It looked full. But really, I have no idea.

I admit to being just totally, unjustifiably angry. One of them was being really unfair to the other. They bought the Silly Putty with their own money. And now I really should take it away from them both. I tried to force them to find the other Silly Putty. Then Rory declared that she didn’t care and would take the piece that had been earrings. But by then I was mad, too mad to let it go. One of you is LYING, I said.

I really do know you’re not supposed to get all worked up about that. But it’s so hard not to. I mean–I really think one of them knows. Very little time had elapsed. And if I’m honest, I think Rory was lying. I think she thought I’d be even angrier, and this time at her and her alone. But I’m not sure.

In the end, I called them both liars too many times. I made the whole Silly Putty thing un-fun for everyone. Rory decided to take the small piece and the empty egg. Wyatt said, “see? She was lying!” But I really don’t know. He can be just as bad i not worse. It took me twenty minutes to get over being generally pissed about the whole thing.

And then I gathered them up, those three little ones. And I said, look. One of these days I’m going to know. You’re all going to say “not me!” and it’s going to turn out that I know that only one of you had an orange popsicle. You’re all going to deny being the kid who came in and used my favorite purple pen to color all over my office blotter pad, and I’m going to look at one of your hands and find ink. I’m going to mark your lollipop sticks, and when one of you throws it on the floor of the car, I will know.

I’m sorry. I know it’s pitiful. But this is going to be my mission for at least the next week.

The Traditional Birthday Tantrum

Saturday, June 11th, 2011 | Have I mentioned that I have kids?, Life in a Northern Town | 2 Comments

This is the birthday girl.

This is the party.

First of all, let me say that I angsted over this pinata. I don’t even like pinatas. I mean, I did, when I was little and lived in San Antonio, where some kids had pinatas hanging in their rooms from trips to Nuevo Laredo (in more peaceful times). Me, I had a large ceramic piggy bank I believed was decorated in traditional fashion. No one I knew had ever had a pinata to break, although we had heard of them. I kind of think I was at parties where a home-made one, of paper mache, was broken, but not a real one.

Now, of course, they’re expected at every party within 20 miles of a party store, and doesn’t that pretty much encompass the entire country?

I almost didn’t do it. But yesterday, or maybe the day before, Lily said, in reference to her Fantastic Water Party, “but what will my pinata be?”

Now, you can see the party, above. (it doubled as a massive BBQ for a bunch of friends and an end-of-school year celebration). Here are the party favors:

Max Liquidators!


Obviously nothing more was needed. But I was at the (damn) party store, and there was this awesome luau pinata. I loved him. ANd he has huge and would hold lots of candy for all of Lily’s classmates and siblings, and I thought she might be disappointed if there was no pinata.

We hung it from a tree in back. Sam produced a bat to hit it with, which Rob confiscated, on the theory that one hit and that would end it. And Lily, who had been on the edge from the first minutes of this party extravaganza, lost it.

Mistakes were made. Truth be told, Lily does not WANT big massive parties. She thinks she does, because she gets lots of gifts, but she does not. What she really wants is for about four little girls to come over and do EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS for a couple of hours. Instead, everyone descended on her! With their siblings, because if you’re going to rent a giant water slide like the above, you want everyone to enjoy it! And they had water guns! And they were shooting each other! Before Lily said they could! And going in the playhouse! And not paying attention to her!

We got through that, but the pinata, with 20 kids lined up to whack it, was too much. Lily REALLY wanted to break it herself. It was never going to happen. So:

This is not a love-fest.

Lily wrapped her arms around the pinata and declared that no one could hit it. She wailed. She fell on the ground and rolled around. Shew said she had never wanted a pinata, that she hated pinatas, and that i had ruined her party by getting a pinata. As all but one of her classmates, and their brothers and sisters, stood in a line watching and waiting. One called out, helpfully, “Lily, I’m getting tired of you!”

Probably she should have been removed screaming from the whole scene. Or have no presents. Or no party next year, or–I don’t know. I have no idea. I have seen a zillion birthday tantrums. and I have never yet seen one handled right, because I have no idea what “right” is, and neither, apparently, does anyone else.

What did happen? We shamed her out of it. Someone produced a nerf bat, and she tried it, then used a stick. About ten kids later, Luau man was in pieces, and we found that all the candy dropped basically into the laps of the first five kids on the scene and no one else, including Lily, had any. There were tears. But these are gently raised kids, and there was some amazing sharing. One little boy gave Lily nearly all of his candy (I cannot imagine why). Then Lily gave some of hers to a smaller child, and all the parents stood around, shaking our heads, just glad that the whole thing seemed to be over.

Then they ate candy in the grass.

Later that night, Lily said “This was my happiest birthday ever!”

For her sake and mine, I hope she’s wrong.

How It Could Be

Thursday, May 12th, 2011 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | Comments Off

Today: Lily’s lacrosse.

Lacrosse for COMPLETE beginners. Even I could perhaps learn.

Lily’s lacrosse takes place from 3:15-4:15 at the green in front of the elementary school in one of the next towns over. On the down side, it’s a solid 20 minutes there from Lily’s school, which gets out at … 3. This means we WILL be late. No matter how hard I try. I can be bright and shiny and first in the carpool line, and there we will still be: late.

On the plus side, Lily’s lacrosse is IT. And it’s done at 4:15. Even with some dallying on the playground, we’re home by 5 or 5:15. I had baked potatoes in the oven. Sam and Lily were both suddenly motivated to zip through their homework by an inexplicable desire on the part of everyone to watch “Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween” for a random “movie night.” It’s an hour long, so even with that there was ample time for lunch making and playing and generally getting wiped from all the lacrosse that took place during the afternoon:

He's got the hair for this, doesn't he?

And so does he.

It was such a mellow night. This is how life could be, will be, once things tone down a bit and I let them, as I swear I will. Once soccer (two more weeks!) is over and Mondays and Wednesdays are nothin’ but chillin’. One of my friends, reviewing the same situation, said “that will free up some options!” and I was like, no, no it won’t. That will free up some time, and that time is going to stay free.

I’d say never again but I wouldn’t mean it—the two sports each (three for Lily, but only because she’s going to be there anyway, only one day is just for her) we’re doing are fun and low-key and pleasant for all, and this month, May, is the only time this needs to be this way, and only for a few more years. Soon enough they’re not going to be this into this many things. We can do it. But oh, today was nice for everyone, and I think everyone felt it. I’ve kept camps to a bare minimum (2 weeks day camp for Sam, one for everyone else, half-day for littles), and stuck firmly to it. We will not pick up one single thing more. We will come home and twiddle our thumbs and work on Krypto’s new ability to drop the ball when told to “drop it” even if the teller is Wyatt (as long as Wyatt doesn’t chase him).

Speaking of Krypto, it’s clear he’s got a real silver lining in being the only dog. He goes to soccer and lacrosse. People take him for walks and play fetch with him. I’ve finally started semi-training him. He’s so happy he doesn’t even know what to do with himself, and while I miss Caddie, that’s a really good thing.

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Homework Help

Monday, April 27th, 2009 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | Comments Off

It’s a beautiful night here. I’d like to go for a walk with the dog. I would much rather be going for a walk with the dog–and even the younger kids–than babysitting by 7-year-old while he completes a project about New York state for his “state fair.”

Go ahead, you say? Why don’t you? Why should you be stuck with hishomework?

Well, if I don’t contribute at all, then what he will end up with is a posterboard covered in random pictures, mostly of New York City, which is what he was really interested in, and probably not including–or including as an afterthought–things like the state bird, et al.

So what’s wrong with that? Well–I don’t know. I actually have no idea. I refuse to do the project, or really influence it in any major way. So it’s not focused–he didn’t, for example, highlight China town, or the different sports teams, or use different ways of getting around New York state to showcase different destinations. There is no New York diorama street scene. It is nearly as random as he would have done it, with only slight jogs from me. I did suggest dividing the board in half for city and state, for example. He came up with then putting the city’s motto and sports teams on one side and the state’s on the other, which I thought was good.

But obviously it could be better, and I could push him to make it better. I could suggest all kinds of things. Or, on the flip side, I could go for a walk. I hope I’m striking a happy balance. I have a suspicion that I’m coming in on the low end of the scale, and that I might as well just pour myself a vodka tonic, and maybe teach him to mix them while I’m at it, because I’m clearly not helping him to make the most of this educational opportunity.

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Why It’s Easier to Just MAKE the Tea

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 3 Comments

There has been some recent discussion in the Beyond Nuclear household about how our children do not do enough for themselves. When Sam asked for a hot drink after dinner tonight (because it’s April in New Hampshire), it seemed like the perfect opportunity. He is a responsible child, and permitted to use, on occasion, sharp knives. I will show you how to make yourself some tea, I said.

I put the tea kettle on to boil and showed him where the tea is kept, then told him to choose a bag. Lily appeared. I want tea! Wyatt followed. “Where’s mine of that? I don’t want a mint one! No mint!”

So now I am showing Sam how to make three cups of tea, of two different kinds, which was probably more practical anyway. In our house we make the tea in a big pyrex measuring cup (or in this case two), then pour it into small, actually breakable tea cups with handles and then out in lots of sugar. There is much discussion about not putting wet spoons into the sugar. Many, many spoons are used. (Are we the only house that goes through about a dozen spoons at every meal?)

Sam got into the spirit, refilled tea, and says he thinks he could do it himself next time “with a stepstool.” But what started as a simple endeavor didn’t end that way at all. They never do.

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Thirty Minutes a Day, Take One

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 1 Comment

So, when I vow to make a change, I do not set what anyone would call manageable goals. I tend to go big, which means that now that the deficiencies in Sam’s education have been drawn more emphatically to my attention (Thanks Mom!) and with the possiblility (probablility) of his heading to Crossroads (local independent school) in the near future, where they have standards and expect the kids to know actual things (like what mummies are and how the circulatory system works) (man, this is a long sentence)…ok, I can’t remember where I was going with that.

Well, anyway, the goal is thirty minutes a day of homework, homeschool, whatever you want to call it. His reading is behind, his math good but not well supported, history nonexistent and he’s just not getting in the practice time he needs. Enter me.

I should probably say about here that we–I–have tried this before and it lasted, well, a day. Lily and Wyatt do not LIKE Sam getting my exclusive attention. But they will just have to lump it.

So instead of just decreeing an hr a day, I came up with a plan. If I can create weekly menus I can do weekly lesson plans, right? Because if I don’t know what we’re gonna do and how long we’re gonna do it for, it isn’t gonna happen. Today’s plan was for 10 minutes of sight reading flashcards, one set of sightreading worksheets and fifteen minutes of reading together for a total of 30 minutes. We spent a little longer on flash cards because they were so fun. First, I flashed them–20, front and back, and if he didn’t get it right away it went back into the pile. Then we pulled out ten and tried to make the longest, silliest sentence we could–and in doing that, wound up reading them over and over. It worked out perfectly. So we probably lost a little reading together time but I think that’s ok.

What did Lily and Wy do? Whined, to start with. Tried to do the flashcards, in Lily’s case, begged for nursing in Wy’s…but eventually mostly gave up, and Lily cried while Wyatt pulled her hair. DUring the worksheet I got Lily her worksheet book too, and Wyatt some stickers, and everyone got a special good job sticker after they’d done a good job (Sam needed a little correction). During the reading Wyatt crawled on us while Lily did another worksheet–but it had settled down by then, and I think if it’s a regular thing, it will settle down even more.

And I already have “lesson plans” through Saturday!

In Praise of Wyatt (Why not?)

Monday, March 3rd, 2008 | Connecting the Dots, Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 1 Comment

OK, Wyatt is exceptional. And in the interest of bringing everyone around to my way of thinking, let me just share some of the cute and brilliant things he’s said in the past couple of days–two weeks shy of his second birthday (because there’s nothing more fascinating than stories about the cute things my kid said, is there?)
He and Lily were playing Hide and Seek. He found her, and there was much giggling, and he said “I thought you were hidin’ upstairs!”
I mean, think about the thought process there–not to mention the grammar.
Tonight Rob washed his face, and in protest he said “It’s hot!” Rob told him no, it’s not hot. He thought for a minute. “It’s warm!”
I can’t even remember all the things he says every day that make my mind boggle (the real reason I’m writing a couple down). And every night he nurses, and I say “other side nursey?” and he says “Yes. Then cribity.” And we switch sides, and I sing our special version of down by the station, in which the puffer-belllies have lunch, play all day, and then go off to sleep. And I say “last one (meaning verse) and then cribity” and he stops nursing and says “otay.” And usually he means it.

While I’m offering up a few choice moments from the day, a neighbor stopped by with a much-desired bag of hand-me-downs for Lily. (We have plenty of boy hand me downs, but she does like her girly stuff to go with it). She was thrilled–so thrilled that I had to sit down with her as she sorted through the whole bag, desperately spiriting away all the size 5s for later use. I didn’t get them all, a few extremely desirable items–as well as a large (and very cute) selection of summer dresses) remain.

But the prize of the collection was a turquoise Care Bear costume. I would never have guessed that she could identify a Care Bear, but I was wrong. I’m sure if we were better educated, I could tell you which one. It has a moon on its belly. Wyatt is deeply, deeply grieved not to have his own.

Patience: Not My Virtue

Wednesday, April 5th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 28 Comments

Today was solo time day for Sam and Lily–well, solo plus Wyatt, which is what they both want. Lily got to take Wyatt to music class–well, she didn’t have any choice there, because I didn’t have a sitter, but she did want to. He actually laid on the floor between my legs, eyes open, watching everything and apparently had a wonderful time. Lily showed him off–It’s Wyatt! And did more than she’s ever done in class before. They made my life look easy, which I really resented, both doing thier imitations of perfect kids.
Sam got a trip to the bakery for a flourless chocolate cake. During the trip, we had to visit the bathroom (out the door, up the elevator, through another door…) no less than three times. I could tell he had to do more than just pee, but apparently he couldn’t–and then the second time, when he could, he forgot. Wyatt did not do him perfect baby imitation here. He did his fire engine imitation instead, so we had to forego a trip to the bookstore.
Lily “babysat” while I made dinner. Wyatt lay in his bassinet, fire engine wailing again. Lily put a blanket on him. She sang “rock a bye Wyatt”. She brought books to read–Duck on a Bike, Wyatt! Look, Wyatt! Max and Ruby!. And she “read” them. SHe was not at all daunted by the fact that he never once stopped screaming–and if I tried to pick him up, she demanded that I put him back.

Things get better

Saturday, March 25th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 531 Comments

You know, this is the good part. Lily had a much better day today, not asking for “nappy” quite so much, took no for an answer a couple of times and actively chose to stop nursing, even though Wyatt was still at it, so that she could play with Sam. And both went to bed beautifully. I’m happy to nurse her, pleased to still get to hold her that way, as long as it’s not every time I nurse Wyatt!
Sam’s been holding Wyatt and letting Wyatt suck his finger. He’s really good at it. Lily likes to hold Wyatt, too, but her attention span is, shall we say, limited and she’s ready to toss him aside like a doll if something better comes along. I think Sam would sit for an hour, and Wyatt might sit with him–he sat on him for a good twenty minutes today. I can see them watching TV like that in a few months.
Wyatt is snuggled up next to me in bed, dirtying his diaper, little clenched hands up around his ears. He’s getting less red, and his hands and feet are smoothing out and plumping up. We tried him in the swing today. He liked it. Lily and Sam liked fighting over who got to touch it, who was not allowed to push it, and who got to sit closer to Wyatt swinging in it. The rest of us liked eating our dinner in (relative) peace.


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Wyatt, Baby Extraordinaire, Arrives

Monday, March 20th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 673 Comments

So, not a false alarm after all! I will post a picture, I will share the whole story, just as soon as I catch up on my sleep (right–that will be sometime in 2008, so maybe just a little sooner!)
But suffice it to say, labor indeed. But no faster, unfortunately, than with numbers one or two. It seems like my body pretty much has all kids the same way–no shooting them out like watermelon seeds for me! (Some woman, while I was laboring, basically, walked in, had her baby, and left…that’s an exageration, but the midwife did pop out, catch her baby and return without my ever even noticing she was gone…)
We went to the hospital at around 6 with no doubt that I was in labor, and I was–but only at “4-5 cm”. I’m sure she added the -5 so I’d feel better.
Labor progressed merrily, and, I have to say, was indeed made more bearable for me by the use of hypnobirthing/guided imagery techniques. Which isn’t really a HUGE imrovement, but somewhat. A touch of Fentanel, a friendly narcotic, helped to take the edge off–again, not much, but every little bit helped.
And in the end, he turned around, so that I was not back laboring or endeavoring to push out a sunny side up baby and yet…
Emergency c-section. Ironic, no? Smallest head, only one facing the right way, and what with one thing and another and a lot of dramatic dips in heart rate and then some before I was ready to push, everything suddenly took a turn for the extreme right at the end.
And it was fine with me. I always thought that was the worst of all worlds, to labor labor labor and then have the whole thing end in a C, but I’m not even slightly upset. I couldn’t get him out at that point, and he was really struggling–the cord was wrapped around his neck, although that may or may not have been the issue–and they did what had to be done and I was extremely grateful that they were there to do it.
So now I’ve tried nearly everything: Epidural, all-natural and C-section births. I’m not sure yet which wins. I think I need to progress a little farther with recovery to answer that question.
But anyway, the upshot: Jacob Wyatt, 7 lbs 3 oz, 21.5 inches and delightful in nearly every way!

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3 long weeks or 3 short weeks?

Monday, February 27th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 304 Comments

It has just come to my attention that my due date-and this is my latest due date, actually five days away from the earliest one that’s been suggested–is three weeks away. (Not latest in the sense that it’s just been given to me, but latest in the sense that of the three guesses made by various midwives and ultrasound technicians, it’s the farthest away.)
Three weeks is not very much. We have yogurt in our fridge that will still be good, and undoubtably uneaten, in three weeks. There are even peppers in there that might hold up that long. I am pretty sure I cannot learn self hypnosis in three weeks, and it is probably time to download that relaxation tape into my ipod. Oh, and listen to it. And relax.
Or I could try to buy a house.
OK, I am off to read Hypnosis for a joyful pregnancy and a pain-free labor and delivery. Have I mentioned the triumph of optimism over experience yet? Because I think that may be my credo.

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The Amazingly Quick Morning Routine

Friday, February 24th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 1,096 Comments

I just want to say that I can wash my hair, blow dry, do make-up, etc. and get dressed in about half an hour or less, I really can.
This is why it took an hour and a half this morning: Undressed for shower. Lily decided she wanted to shower, too. Helped her take off pjs, diaper.
Lily sees that it is a shower, not a tubby, and does not want to get int. Much crying ensues, which probably actually shortens shower, so I can’t complain. Promise Lily she can use the tubby when I’m done.
Lily changes her mind as I dry off and goes to get a new, clean, different pair of pjs. Agree to put them on her, but must get her a new diaper. Dripping, get diaper, have Lily pee on the potty, and dress her in new pjs. Dry off.
Search laundry hamper for appropriate shirt. Lily sees fire engine shirt and must wear it. Go to get Lily an undershirt and jeans, take pjs off, re-dress Lily.
Lily wants her hair done. Put her on bed with cup of hair clips. Go back to searching through hamper for shirt.
Lily wants her hair done NOW. Put on first of two shirts. (The layered look!), put clippie in Lily’s hair. Go to get Sam’s fire engine shirt and rest of Sam’s clothes, Lily find’s baby’s milkie. Lily needs baby. Where is baby? Find baby.
Put on second shirt and comb out hair.
Sam appears. His show is over. Can he get dressed? Facilitate Sam dressing. Lily comes up the stairs with a huge book (Ok, glad I didn’t see her climbing with that in her hand). No, I won’t read Cars and Trucks and Things that Go.
Go downstairs. Turn on episode of Rolie Polie Olie and give Lily an apple on the couch.
Return to bathroom. Dry hair, put on moisturizer, cover circles under eyes, add blush to take away that zombie look. Add second shirt. That’s it. I’m done.
Actually, that doesn’t really sound like it would take an hour and a half…but it did.

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2 Hours A Day Is Not Enough

Monday, February 20th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 420 Comments


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A Very Small Silver Lining

Friday, February 10th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 104 Comments


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24-7 Kids Kids Kids

Saturday, February 4th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 60 Comments

I sometimes think that we are the only family that spends all of our time either

  • actively entertaining our kids
  • grunting and getting up unwillingly to help with something or get something while trying to do something that appeals to you (like, say, reading the newspaper)
  • trying to persuade your spouse to do all the entertaining so you can hear yourself think
  • taking kids somewhere kid-appropriate, or at least somewhere to kill time.
  • Sam and Lily are 4 1/2 and 20 months. They don’t really self-entertain. Sam can be drugged or bought off with television. Lily cannot. She’s more likely to play on her own but asks for your participation every 2 minutes, although she accepts no for an answer (for two minutes).
    Did we do something wrong? Is it a symptom of our time, that we haven’t left them alone long enough to learn to be alone? Should I feel guilty?
    Because I do. I feel like I’ve failed the, like they need to be amused at all times and will grow up attached to a game boy or intravenous television viewing device, all because I never shoved them into another room to play while I did whatever it is people do under those circumstances (I’d work on the computer, but neither child can resist its siren call, and it’s not worth the hassle.)
    So: I feel guilty because I didn’t neglect my kids enough. You?

    Unquestionably the Lamest Last-Minute Show and Tell Ever

    Tuesday, January 10th, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 663 Comments

    Picture026.jpg

    Picture026.jpg,
    originally uploaded by kjda.


    Sam, stricken, as we walk into school today: It’s Show and Tell Day!
    Me: Oh.
    Sam: And we can’t pick something from the classroom anymore! I need something!
    It is clear there is no point in suggesting that he just not give a show and tell today, not if I want to get out of there without tears. I suggest that I’ll go to the car and look for something.
    The car is not the fertile show and tell ground it usually is (we’ve dug up pop-up books, ultrasound pictures, cars that go when you pull a zipper out and numerous other excellent items in the past). It’s a new car, just one week old, and as yet uncluttered. I am carrying nothing but my computer bag. I keep it, I suppose, admirably free of junk. But at this moment, this is not a good thing.
    Thus, the mints.
    I haven’t asked how it went.

    It Only Seems Like Forever

    Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 70 Comments


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    Thursday, December 15th, 2005 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 718 Comments

    So, old lady in the grocery store, you win. I am sorry that my two children and their mini-carts momentarily blocked your progress through the grocery store. I am sure you have many, many other important things to do, and hopefully you’re expending most orf your patience on them.

    That’s the sarcastic bit. But actually, I really am ashamed that either a) they can’t push those damnable little carts of horror nicely, without freezing in mid aisle to determinedly chew on the handle and refusing to be moved (Lily) or racing halfway down an aisle, even an empty one, and then sliding to a stop (Sam). (I can see the appeal of that, and he never hits anyone or anything, but it looks awful.) or b) I don’t have the strength of character to force them, screaming, into a cart seat (Lily) or to walk along nicely beside me without the cart (Sam). I just don’t. I barely have the strength of character required to go to the grocery store, let alone exert significant control once I get there. I’m not hungry. I’m tired and I don’t feel very good. WHy must the other three members of the family and the two dogs be fed?

    Cranky, cranky day that ended with nosy Sam discovering a very small piece of what was supposed to be a Santa present and me getting disporportionately angry. movies used adultmovie samples view dildotall walking moviewedding movie quotes crashersrated preview x moviexxx search movieyoung movies girlsmovies girl zoompegs movie adultlesbian amateur movies

    Third

    Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 596 Comments

    This is wholly stolen from a friend of mine, who’s website I would link to here if she’d let me, although it would be risky because she has, probably wisely, chosen to keep her site wholly anonymous, but:
    The best thing about being pregnant with your third baby is that when people smile wisely at you and say “Is it your first?” you shake your head and say “Nope. Third.”

    And then they just back slowly away. No advice, no “ooh, your life is about to change!” Stops them in their tracks.

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    Maternity Jeans

    Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 | Have I mentioned that I have kids? | 319 Comments


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