Raising Devils

The Perils of Hangman With 7-Year-Olds

Sunday, April 29th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

The Perils of Hangman With 7-Year-Olds

Originally uploaded by kjda

Boxes

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 2 Comments

Boxes

Originally uploaded by kjda

The worrisome thing is that all I REMEMBER ordering from the Container Store are hangers.

10 Things Guaranteed to Send You Into a Whirling Death Spiral of Depression

Thursday, April 5th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 1 Comment

Oh, this is where I end the post with a little twist of good cheer, right? Buck up, we’ll all be dead soon. Meh.

All the Words Rory Can Spell

Saturday, March 31st, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

All the Words Rory Can Spell

Originally uploaded by kjda

Today, Three Years Ago, We Told the Other Kids About Rory.

Sunday, March 25th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 1 Comment

How do I know? Because three years ago, to the week, if not the day, it was Sam’s “Wild Mites Jamboree” which is a hockey thing, and right before we went to the rink, we lined them up on our bed and produced pictures.

They were beyond thrilled. We were happy. Our biggest problem was that we hadn’t printed enough pictures, because all three of them wanted to carry all the pictures around (and they did, too, until the day we left for China). I just went back and read about it from old blog entries–you can feel our excitement coming through the words.

Today was Lily’s “Wild Mites Jamboree” and Rory and Wyatt’s “Learn to Play Jamboree” and frankly, I sobbed all over the place thinking about how far we’ve come, and especially watching Rory and Wyatt dually dominating their small games.

I knew this, but Rory’s been reminding me lately that what was, at the time, all happy for us was not happy for her. That’s her story to tell, but suffice it to say that she’s told me a couple of times lately that she was “SO MAD.” Not so sad, but MAD. I’ve always agreed that in fact she should be mad, and it’s ok to be mad, and I would have been bad too.

Right after we told the other three, we were able to Skype with Rory and her foster family–another anniversary, although I’m not wholly sure it was the same day. Another anniversary that I remember fondly, and Rory, I’s sure, does not, and she shouldn’t. How does one handle this duality, the happy that comes from the really really sad? She doesn’t need to look back with pleasure at any of this, but I think it’s ok that I do.

In any case, it was a very emotional day here, and physically exhausting, and it ended, for Rory, in forty-five minutes worth of tears over something very small, and in a whole series of unusual behaviors and regressions and just general not-fun-ness. I’m left wondering if she picked up on my thinking back over our history, together and apart, or if, because it’s a real anniversary of sorts for her too–right about now is when we first came into her life, one way or another–if she’s just having some tough inner times of her own. I suspect the latter. I’m so, so glad that we’re both more equipped to weather these emotional storms together–finally. I hope that lasts.

Of COURSE I Can Interview Anne Lamott i/f/o the Whole Times Newsroom

Sunday, March 18th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 3 Comments

I’m beyond thrilled about the Motherlode Book Club reading Anne and Sam Lamott’s Some Assembly Required, and ditto for the opportunity to interview them both, for a short video to be posted on the Motherlode blog. I’ve always loved Anne Lamott’s work. This follow-up to Operating Instructions is fascinating: her son had a son. At nineteen.

There are so many questions to ask them both about that that the mind boggles. (The mind also notes repeated use of that in previous sentence, but that’s what made sense. Sorry.) I’d be thrilled–over coffee.

Now, doing it on the Times’ news set, which is smack dab in the middle of the Times newsroom…that makes me nervous. (Who are we kidding–interviewing Anne Lamott makes me a little nervous, but that I can wrangle.)

I know Times staffers don’t pay any attention to what goes on on the set. They just walk right by. But I’m distractible. Lots of people walking right by could easily just throw the end of my question right onto their lunch tray and walk off with it. I’ll be revved to ask the tough questions, you know, giving Terry Gross a run for her money, and all the sudden I’ll be all, hey, did you see? She had a Starbucks mocha! I want a Starbucks mocha!

Even with really good editing, this should be interesting. So, tune in next week (probably Wednesday, as this happens Tuesday) and see if you can tell that I am sitting there pretending very hard that oh, I just interview famous authors that I admire in the middle of the Times newsroom with people drifting by all. the. time. Because that’s just how cool I am. Also, poised. Really, and in control and on topic at all times.

Actually, I feel a whole lot better about my interviewing skills (which have improved dramatically in the past two years) since listening to the unedited interview Krista Tippet did with Nicolas Kristoff in February. (SO worth a download.) Edited, she sounds completely together: fast, with great recall and depth of knowledge, and the right follow-up questions every time.

Unedited, she still sounds great (On Being is one of my favorite shows–she should have Anne Lamott on), but with more, yanno, digression. More oh, hey, you said this one thing I wanted to ask about–wait, I wrote it down–and more conversation, which is always my downfall. I want to interview you, but it’s easier for me to express what I’m interested in by talking than in a perfectly worded question, and I often replay my interviews thinking oh, hey, when am I going to let her talk?

For this, I’ll be (very well) edited, and I’m confident it’s going to be great. I’m reasonably confident that I’ll find the balance between admiration and consternation, too–because the elephant in the room is that hers was in some sense the iconic-non-advice-baby-advice book, and her baby –well, can’t we love the resulting grandkid without pretending that this wasn’t the path anyone would have chosen for a beloved child? On some level they must each be mourning what wasn’t, but the book is about embracing what is. I’ll be doing my best to go there, and get talking about both.

Oh, and the Times’ video wizards can probably cover up the moments when my gaze drifts off because someone walked by with a box of donuts. But you’ll know.

Tags: Anne Lamott, interviewing, motherlode, Motherlode Book Club, Sam Lamott, Some Assembly Required, writing life

Me and Malibu Pilates. And of Course, This Week at Motherlode

Sunday, March 11th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 4 Comments

I got sucked in by an infomercial.

I haven’t exercised in months. I had pneumonia last, um, August. And although that excuse obviously eventually became somewhat less than valid (I think even the most sympathetic of us would have to agree that I am probably all rested up now). you know, one thing led to another, I finished a draft of my book, auditioned for Motherlode, took the job…I was busy, ‘kay?

But inspired by a variety of things: this great Real Simple series on Time, my ever-softening midriff, my third annual jaunt to the Waterbury, VT “Gravel Grinder” season-opening ride (23 miles, 3000 vertical feet) and my general feeling of just never, ever having enough energy, I’ve relaunched ye olde exercise plan. Oh, and also picked up this book, The Power of Habit (awesome excerpt in the NYT magazine a couple of weeks ago) in the hopes of improving a few things here and there, the whole workout thing being one of them.

I’m well on my way. First of the season bike ride last week, and then a surprise snow dump up here at what we like to call the “higher elevations” (which means we can often see down to neighbors who didn’t get snow when we did) led to the first–and last–time we will groom our trail this season.

I am willing to bet you never imagined this was what I did with my free time.

But snow is over (although at least I finally remembered why we like the stuff) and biking, while fantastic, too time consuming to make up the whole of anyone’s fitness routine. I won’t run on the treadmill, like my husband. I won’t ride an exercise bike, like my husband. (I think this has something to do with not watching Sports Center, as they seem somehow connected.) What to do, what to do…

And then there I was, couch bound, while Rob scrolled the on-screen TV guide, which we mostly do so we can mock the movie descriptions, when I say “Susan Lucci Pilates.”

I have no idea what made me say “what’s that?” Perhaps I am still trying to remember if she ever son that Emmy. Maybe I have “All My Children” Flashbacks. I don’t know. Put I made him stop, and there was THIS:

It was so small. And it looked so easy. And everyone using it looked so sculpted. And even Rob said “that does look kind of okay.”

I think I now have to pay them $15 a month for eternity or my money back. Or something like that. It came Friday, and my first workout today consisted of dragging it up the stairs and removing all the packaging. DVD Number one is in the computer, ready to fire up first thing in the am. No excuses. 20 minutes. I’m doing it, on weekdays, for the next four weeks, so help me.

And then I’ll either be telling you all how awesome it is, or trying to hide what an idiot I am (an idiot who also owns something called “Beach Body” and the “Cardio Zumba Kit”) while I look for someone to take it off my hands on Craigslist.

At work tomorrow, AFTER my 20 minute malibu something-or-another-workout, and if I am not trapped in the springs of the chair. I get to choose among the panelists for the first Motherlode Book Club: Anne and Sam Lamott’s “Some Assembly Required.” I’m half way through, and this ought to be a great discussion. And I’m stalking my next selection–a fantastic, controversial book that I”m dying to talk about on Motherlode. Can’t tell yet, though.

I’ve got guest posts to read (sorry, waiting authors)–this is one of those habits I need to work on: faced with the choice of writing or reading and editing, I tend to write, because that’s what I KNOW gets the job done. But the fantastic goes posts we’ve had in the past few weeks are adding so much to the blog and the discussion, and I’ve realized I love that part of the job too. It’s just that when I’m bouncing around a research study here and a great Times article there, I keep too busy writing to read. I’m working on it.

Last week I knew exactly what was coming up on Motherlode—this week, it’s all open. I’m planning to write about the dumb, pricey things we buy when we’re first time moms (hello, Muzzy Spanish DVD set!). And maybe this will be the week I finally pull together the work I’ve been doing on raising “imperfect” kids, or (less likely) on chemicals and their impact. Guest posts? So many possibilities, I can’t even give you a preview. I’ve planned out my workouts, but not my work week! Yeah, but that I KNOW I’ll get done.

Tags: biking, malibu pilates, motherlode, workouts

Behind the Scenes at Motherlode, 3/4

Sunday, March 4th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots, Motherlode | 4 Comments

Seriously, what was I thinking?

I probably shouldn’t hold my breath, time being the slippery beast it is… Tomorrow I’ll be posting about a really interesting survey about exactly that. I interviewed Kristin van Ogtrop (whose book I love) about an upcoming story of their about women and time, and it offered a few surprises that I can’t wait to riff on–not to mention the pleasure of talking to her, and to Amanda Schumacher, her lively and fun communications director.

I also know I’ll be writing about teacher ratings tomorrow, thanks to a pair of “bad teacher” articles, and interviewing a few experts on lead in our homes and how it impacts our children, and unborn children–and how the CDC may be about to hang us all out to dry.

And that’s just tomorrow! I’ve got 10 unread gusts posts from writers I know will have rocked it, and 6 waiting for a final edit and the cue to go (think homeschooling and homework next week, unless events intervene). I’ve got three unpublished reported topics I haven’t even embarked on–what’s the dumbest thing you ever bought as a new mom? Giving kids the gift of imperfection and–dang, something else! Plus I’m deep into the question of toxic chemicals and kids, and pondering lunch boxes and a million other things.

I love it when someone asks me how I “think of so much to write about.” It’s more like waking up every morning, sitting down at my desk, and being pelted with great topics like so many Angry Birds. It’s family–there’s nothing more important, and there’s an endless array of exciting stuff going on.

On another note entirely, someone using my credit card seems to have gone on quite the online shopping binge. Fortunately, she had it all sent here, and she had fantastic taste–but she seems to have been a little confused as to whose life we are living. See the shoes, pictured above–ideal for dirt roads and mud season, no? You should see the silk blouse she picked out. I love it. I can’t imagine where I’d wear it. It’s a good thing she got a couple of tshirts, too—and shops where return shipping is free.

I think maybe I need to limit my late-night reading of Vogue, particularly when I am feeling just a touch anxious about myself.

Oh–BIG announcement at Motherlode this week. Well, cool announcement, anyway. Hint: beloved author, me, conversations…

Tags: motherlode, shopping

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 1 of 4

Monday, February 6th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 2 Comments

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 1

Originally uploaded by kjda

You know you want some. I just made TONS. My special gift to me.

Recipe below.

KJ

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 2 of 4

Monday, February 6th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 2

Originally uploaded by kjda

The ingredients and the caloric markup:

1 box Crispix: 1330 calories
2/3 box Wheat Chex 1100 36 g fiber
2/3 box Multi-grain Chex ditto
1 bag Spelt Pretzels 840 calories 38 g fiber

2 bags scharfenberger bittersweet choco baking chunks 680 calories 11g fiber (1360 22)
1 bag scharfenberger semisweet baking chunks 770 calories 11 g fiber
2 squares 280 calories 8 g fiber
Sea salt: caloric contribution negligible. But sprinkle liberally!

At a minimum I’ve got 60 servings here: 67800 calories divided by 60…that can’t be right. Ok, time to abandon doing the math in my head…no, I just got carried away with the zeroes. 6780. And a bonus couple grams of fiber every time.

70 calories. I could eat 70 calories worth of Tings just by walking past the pantry. This is relevant.

I would never have counted the calories, except that my friend Mimi seriously doubted the healthiness of my healthy nutritious good-for-me snack mix. Of course, Mimi doesn’t know what I’m up against. For that, read on:

KJ Dell’Antonia

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 3 of 4

Monday, February 6th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 3

Originally uploaded by kjda

One large bowl: filled twice to allow room to stir, with half of all the ingredients. Don’t stress over equal chocolate distribution, it all works out in the end.

I spread parchment on the counter to spread the mix out on to cool and harden. Overnight is best, but that really depends on where your cat sleeps. So, why is this so good for me? Keep reading.

KJ Dell’Antonia

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 4

Monday, February 6th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Cereal Pretzel Mix Part 4

Originally uploaded by kjda

And, finally, the nutritious part. You must understand that one reason this is nutritious, and healthful, and a serious gift to myself, is simply that every night, right around this time, my stress wires fully fired, kids plowed into bed, evening of email ahead, determined to get a little down time, I sit down on the couch and plow whatever salty thing I can find it the cabinet into my mouth in large quantities. Tings are my greatest weakness, but I will take chips, sun chips, Cheetos, crackers…

Now, I’m genetically lucky, and I admit it. This activity isn’t great for my waistline, but my clothes still fit. But it isn’t good for me, I don’t feel good about it, and I really don’t want to do it–except, of course, at 9:00 every night. My general strategy is just not to purchase any of these things, since I mostly shop when I’m mentally stronger–but I do let the kids have chips, and sometimes, damn them, they pick stuff I like. Love. Can’t not eat.

There are Tings in the cabinet RIGHT NOW.

But this is the one thing that stops me. I like this stuff. If I can have this, I won’t eat Tings, at least not most of the time. And I only eat a little of this. It’s so good, so salty-sweet-perfect, that a little bowl does fine (as opposed to half a bag of Tings, and that’s on a good night.

So, tonight, my gift to me: a two-month supply of choco chex mix. Happy me, me!
KJ Dell’Antonia

Party Clothes New Hampshire Style

Saturday, February 4th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

Party Clothes New Hampshire Style

Originally uploaded by kjda

We are invited to a fantastic progressive party tonight. A full meal cooked by some of the best cooks in town. They call it "Howl at the Moon."

Old Enough to Do What I Want

Sunday, January 29th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 6 Comments

And what I want to do, on this beautiful, sunny, glorious, relatively warm winter afternoon is…

Not ski
Not take-a-walk
Not sled
Not cross-country ski
Not hike

No, I want to stay inside, bake some cookies, and lounge around with a big pile of magazines and the Sunday Times, and I am DOING IT.

I do feel a little guilty. Ridiculous, isn’t it? But I feel like I should “get out there.” “Just do it.” “Get outside!” “Take advantage.”

I just don’t want to. I don’t want to do anything organized, or really much of anything at all. I cleaned the books off my bedside table and re-organized my sweaters, and that was enough. If this is a bad example for my children (who are reading, playing video games, playing computer games, sledding, playing with the dog and otherwise doing pretty much not much either), so be it. I happen to think it’s actually a good example. You don’t have to do something all the time. Right? Right?

Cause That’s Just How We Roll

Saturday, January 21st, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

Cause That’s Just How We Roll

Originally uploaded by kjda

Yeah yeah yeah, they’re late.

I Finally Feel Like a Real Writer

Thursday, January 19th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

I Finally Feel Like a Real Writer

Originally uploaded by kjda

Although it’s a little hard to write.

KJ Dell’Antonia
sent from my iPhone

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Helping the Dentist Out

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

Helping the Dentist Out

Originally uploaded by kjda

KJ Dell’Antonia
sent from my iPhone

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Fwd: Darn it

Saturday, January 14th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | Comments Off

Fwd: Darn it

Originally uploaded by kjda

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> I forgot my skates…I will just have to sit in here and watch…with my iPad…weep for me.
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Four Kids, No Tea

Saturday, January 7th, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 3 Comments

This afternoon Lily wanted tea.

I didn’t really object to Lily having tea. I mean, it’s tea. What’s not to like? I’d even boiled the water. (For other purposes.)

But if Lily has tea, Wyatt and Rory have to have tea too.

And while Lily is kinda sorta capable of cleaning up the sugar she will spill, and putting the mug and spoon in the dishwwaher, Rory and Wyatt are less so. (Actually Rory is really good at the dishwasher. But she spills sugar.)

And they use mugs. And spoons. And I emptied the dishwasher twice today. I just couldn’t do it.

I know, I know, your kids empty your dishwasher. And wipe the counter. And don’t put sugar in their tea. But you are a much better parent than I am. Mine…don’t.

Result: Lily, who asked, got a mug of this weird Thai hot coffee mix she likes, and no one else got anything. There was much whining, but they survived.

My recollection of life as an only child was that I pretty much always got tea, but I really wanted a sister.

New Desk Ornament

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012 | Connecting the Dots | 1 Comment

New Desk Ornament

Originally uploaded by kjda