I don’t wan’ go school! That pretty much sums up our morning. Our babysitter, fabulous in nearly every way, isn’t on the school night train yet (and it’s been a tough one for us to get on, too). Rory went to bed an hour plus later than she needs to. She had to be dragged out of bed. All the way to school she insisted–she did not want to go. Wyatt had some of the same issues.
I heard you, I said. I’m sorry you feel that way. In our family, when it’s a school day, we go to school.
I’ve been saying those same things to Lily and occasionally Wyatt for a couple of years now. Rob was in the car this morning–we’d had a one-car night and left his at the office–and he said afterwards that I had been very annoying, and he wanted to kick me himself, so it was no wonder that Rory did. That was ALSO a deeply annoying thing to say, and not at all helpful, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
So, as you’ll have gathered, into school, wailing. Off with coat, wailing. Into slippers, wailing. Attempts to throw self on floor, to remove slippers, to go back out the door (by Rory, not me.)
Wyatt has resigned himself–he’s fine. Hug and kiss for Wyatt. Rory tries Rob, clinging to his leg..no dice.
We deliver her to the patient teacher, and she wails as we say bye. I’ll be back at pick up! Wailing, wailing.
And we’re off. Following the critique of my parenting style, I headed to an internet-positive location, put in three hours of work, and returned to the school. 10 minutes, said the patient teacher. I got a big hug from Rory but neither of us said anything. And that was it.
We went through this with Lily, I remember for certain. Wyatt maybe. I think so. It is what it is. Did it feel a little different? yes, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe this was about the adoption separation, or her not thinking I’d come back. I’ve left her so many times now, and come back so many times. I thought this was Rory tired. Rory facing another day of learning new rules (don’t like rules, and having to learn them is even worse). Rory with another day in a regulated, predictable environment–which is actually something she loves, but I’ve noticed she really disliked being “shown” the routine. She likes to pretend she knows what she’s doing at all times.
One teacher did toss at me that Rory “said you weren’t coming back.” Here’s how I imagine that went down:
Gentle but annoyingly knowing teacher: Rory, are you sad?
GBAKT:Are you sad that Mommy and Daddy left?
GBAKT: Will Mommy and Daddy come back?
I’ve noticed that there are plenty of people out there who want to put every behavioral issue down to being adopted, and man, are we conspicuous with it–here we are! we just adopted! We’re hauling her into everything! I find pockets of people who think I should just hunker down and smother her with love and affection for a year or so. That’s not the family she got.
Thanks, Nancy, for a great comment on my earlier post. I was hoping for a little sympa…thanks all!
This is just how today went. School is tough for the first few weeks. Tiring. We’re having some nice tv now.